i think i have two assholes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
