He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
