i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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