Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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