Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
