The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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