There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
