I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
