I look better un-naked...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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