You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
