she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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