I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
