Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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