I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
