Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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