I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
my liver is dry heaving
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize