Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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