isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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