OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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