im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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