Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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