For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
