Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
