just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
