My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
