Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
