I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
