we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
