Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
