Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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