She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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