you guys were way drunker than both of me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
