she kept yelling 'call me bella'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
