So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just cut my nipple shaving
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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