this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
