you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
