Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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