remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
