Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
