She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
