So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
