i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
