i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
