The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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