I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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