Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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