He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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