no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Welp...herpes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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