I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
