I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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