We're facebook friends in real life
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
