i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
