i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
