that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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