There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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