is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize