So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
