my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
