; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize