dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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