Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
