So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
