I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
