Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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