Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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