i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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