And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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