In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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