We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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