There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
