you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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