dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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