i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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