Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
