I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
