obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
