my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We're too hungover to prance.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
