I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize