His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
