I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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